Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize