Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
