I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
