Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
