I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
