I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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