I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
