Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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