I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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