How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
