im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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