you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
