I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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