I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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