i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize