Someone shit on the floor
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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