Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
