He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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