my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
