this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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