So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just puked most of my soul out..
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