OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
