You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
