I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize