The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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