Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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