I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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