There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
