Plan B is the new Plan A
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
