mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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