saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
