bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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