I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
