I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
