I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
