why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
