you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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