Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
