Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
