Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
