i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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