When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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