Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
