yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
