My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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