There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize