Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
is that a dick in a sweater?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
