Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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