He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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