Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were trust falling into bushes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
