They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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