Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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