Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
that's an acceptable place to lick
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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