My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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