i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
