I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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