You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
