Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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