all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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