i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
