god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
