Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
