I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
