I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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