Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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