please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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