Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
