I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
