it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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