GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
